Your loved one has cancer. Now what?

When someone you love is diagnosed with cancer, it can feel like everything just changed. You might feel a wave of emotions or nothing at all. You might not know what to say, what to do, or how to make sense of it. No matter what, the way you’re feeling right now is valid. This space is here as a reminder that you’re not alone, and that there is no “right” way to react or feel.

You Might Be Feeling...

Numb or Shocked

It may not feel real or possible. Mind Blown is a common feeling when a loved one gets this diagnosis.

You may be feeling disconnected, calm, or just frozen in place. Or maybe, all three at once.

Anxious or Scared

Jumping to the worst case scenario is often common. Feeling on edge, and unsure of what's coming next.

Whatever you do, hold off on Google for now! Wait until you have more information.

Nothing at All

Sometimes, it's ok to not have any emotions or feelings at all.

Sad or Heartbroken

Depending on your experience, you may be grieving what you know is about to change, even if it hasn't changed yet.

Guilty

Guilt is normal. Even if you know there's nothing you could have done. Feeling like you should be stronger, or like you shouldn't be focused on anything other than the big ugly C word and your loved one.

Angry

Frustration and anger are common feelings. You want to help, but aren't sure how. You're frustrated at the timing and unfairness of the new reality.

Overwhelmed

Suddenly, everything is too much.

Too much information.

Too many emotions.

Too many decisions to make.

But now what?

So you've determined how you're feeling right now. (Don't worry, chances are good you'll experience all of these emotions at some stage in this journey. Or maybe you won't. And that's ok too.) Just now that right now? You don't have to have the perfect words. You don't have to be strong all the time. You don't even have to know what's coming next. Just focus on being there.

How do I do that?

Just be with them. Sit in silence. Do normal activities. Whatever your loved one wants. Just be there.
Listen. They may need a listening ear, and this might be the perfect job for you!
Let them know you're there. "Hey, I'm here. If you need to vent. If you want a bad joke. Whatever you need, I'm here."
Show up in small ways. Surprise them with their favorite treat. Snail mail a card. Send a funny meme every afternoon.

Those simple things? They're enough. Any one of them is enough.

Just Remember, emotions don't follow a schedule. They come and go. The might change daily. They might disappear. Nothing about your experience is wrong, and this journey is unique to every person, every situation and every relationship.

Just being there is what truly matters.