Now What?
Moving Forward After Cancer
Life after a cancer battle is never the same. It doesn't matter if you battled cancer yourself or if you were part of the support system. You may be feeling confused, lonely, hopeful and scared all at once.
(And don't worry, all feelings are valid.)
This page is for anyone who has been through cancer or supported someone through their battle.
Before we go on
Finishing treatments doesn't mean that life will instantly go back to normal.
In fact, you will probably need to reconfigure what normal means all together.
A lot of people feel the pressure to be "fine" when they're still dealing with a lot of emotions, a lot of physical symptoms, and the time it takes to process what you just went through.
Take your time. Find your new normal.
For Teens
After Cancer
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Your body and brain are still recovering.
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Relationships around you may change.
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It's ok to take your time as you move forward and adjust back to life.
For Friends, Siblings
& Loved Ones
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You don't have to say the perfect thing.
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Show up in "normal" ways.
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Don't rush them to move on.
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The need for support doesn't stop when treatment ends.
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Let your loved one lead the way.
So how do I support my loved one?
Supporting someone after cancer still doesn't mean you'll have the perfect words. It means continuing to show up in consistent ways.
What to do?
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Talk about "normal" life: Send memes, talk about life/school. Complain about something totally average and not cancer related. Just be normal.
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Let them lead. Sometimes, they need to/want to talk about cancer. Let them, and listen. Sometimes they don't. Don't push anything. Follow their lead, not your curiosity.
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Keep Checking In. Sometimes people pull away. When they do, just say something like "I'm just thinking about you." Or "No pressure, just wanted to let you know I'm here."
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Listen more than you fix. They aren't necessarily looking at you to solve something, but rather a safe space to vent. "Wow, that really sucks." or "I'm glad you told me." Are appropriate responses to the hard stuff.
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Be ok with (and prepared for) the hard emotions. Your loved one might be angry, distant, quiet, overwhelmed, any combination of emotions. Just roll with it. Don't take it personally.
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Invite them, without pressure. Know that they've been going through a lot. Sometimes just being invited and knowing that your friends are still considering you is enough. So Invite them with no pressure to actually attend.
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Treat them like them. Don't walk on egg shells. Don't treat them like they're breakable. Don't treat them like cancer is their identity. Be sure to spend time treating them as you always have.
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Don't offer false positivity. Sometimes, it's just hard.
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Don't compare. "My cousin/aunt/neighbor had cancer..." or "At least it's the good kind." (There is no "Good kind".) Everyone's experiences will be different. It's important to focus on their experience.
If you're still unsure? This is enough:
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Just Show Up.
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Be you.
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Let them be who and where they are.
Remember, you aren't going to fix anything.
You're going to help them face it.
