Supporting a Teen
If you know a teen who has a parent with cancer (whether you're the parent, teacher, or other trusted adult in their life), it may be difficult to figure out how to support them. Here are a few tips on how you can support a teenager through this difficult time:
A cancer diagnosis can be hard on everyone, but teenagers may struggle with how to process these difficult emotions. It's important that teenagers have judgment-free support from the adults in their lives.
Remember that while teenagers are not yet adults, they are also no longer children. This is important for how you treat them.
Respect your Teen's privacy.
Teenagers need space and privacy, especially when processing big emotions; trying too hard to pry can push them away. There are many different ways you can offer support while still ensuring that they have privacy:
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Recognize their need for privacy, but don't take it personally.
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Let them know that you are there and available to talk, but don't pressure them into telling you something.
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Make sure they have someone that they can trust and talk to. This could look like several people.
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Friends
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Teachers or School counselors
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Extended family members
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Therapist or Support groups
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Make sure they have an outlet.
Expressive outlets can be a great way to take your mind off things, reduce stress, and help teens feel a little more in control of things. It is important to recognize that an outlet is not about avoiding the cancer, but more about having balance.
Some good examples for creative or physical outlets include:
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Journaling or writing
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Art, music, or dance
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Sports or other physical activities
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Performing arts ( theatre, choir, etc.)
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You can also offer to help them find an outlet if they are unsure where to start.
Involve your
Teen in care if they want to be involved.
Some teens may ask to help with care in some way. Giving them a role can help them feel a sense of control and may ease feelings of anxiety or helplessness.
You can give a teenager age-appropriate tasks to help out. These tasks will look different based on your personal situation. It is important to find something that fits your situation best. Even something as simple as household chores can be a great help during a difficult time like this.
It is important that you do not push; if they're not ready to help out, don't force them.
Another important thing to remember is that teenagers are no longer children; they are capable individuals.
Try to maintain normalcy when possible.
Normal probably looks pretty different right now. But it is still important to try to continue with normal life as much as you can. Keeping up with routines and social interactions is super important for teens' mental health.
There are a few different ways that you can try to support them with this:
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Encourage them to continue extracurricular activities.
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Support their social life, attending social events, and hanging out with friends can help take away stress for a moment.
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Teens still need space to grow. While giving support, it's important you allow them to grow as well.
Be honest about the diagnosis.
It may be difficult to hear the details, but teenagers still care deeply about the truth and deserve to know the truth. Try your best to create a safe space where you can talk about it, and allow them to ask questions; they may not understand everything.
Avoid sugarcoating, but try your best to share age-appropriate details. Cater the conversation to their emotional maturity.
Watch out for warning signs.
This will be a very difficult time in your teen's life, and at such a young age, it can be hard to know how to deal with your emotions healthily. It's important that you know what to look for and the best way to respond. (Disclaimer: I am 17, not a medical professional. If you suspect that your teen may be considering something like this, please reach out to a professional)
Signs to look for:
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Withdrawal from activities or friendships that they would usually invest in.
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Sudden changes in behavior, mood, appetite, or sleep.
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Engagement in harmful activities such as self-harm or substance abuse.
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Decreasing involvement and performance in school.
If you notice any of these signs, you can react in a few ways:
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Reach out gently, ask how they're doing without putting too much pressure on them.
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Reach out to a professional
Take care of yourself.
You can't take care of someone else if you yourself need care. Make sure that you are still taking care of yourself as well.
Surround yourself with your own support. That may look different for everyone, but that can include family, friends, a therapist, or support groups.
Make sure you set boundaries to avoid burnout. It is okay to say "no" sometimes.
Remember, you are a role model for your teen. If they see you burnt out, exhausted, and overworked, they will think it's okay to do the same.